Today’s another bad day. I don’t mean to blog about unhappy stuff all the time. Well, I did blog about something happy before the this post but I removed it due to some reasons and it became an unhappy incident eventually. What an irony. Imagine how terrible it feels when I saw it as a happy thing while the other party saw it so negatively. Sigh. Why are all these happening these days? Did I do something wrong?

Anyways, the day started pretty bad but I thought it has ended pretty well in the end. But just a minute ago, the day turned bad again.

I think I know why. I screwed things up.

It sucks to feel miserable, but I thought I had learnt some lessons.

Don’t make others a priority when others make you an option.

On the contrary, I was guilty of committing that today. I pissed my friend off today. I knew it was gonna turn out ugly but I still went ahead with my decision because I had decided to prioritize something else instead.

I never thought of putting my friend as option. I had already made it a point to put a mark on my calendar and remembered the date carefully. But when something else had cropped up and because of its urgency, I decided that a switch in priorities was necessary.

I wished I had all the time in the world. I wished all the rest of the people has all the time in the world as well. There are so many things waiting for me to do, but I can’t help but to feel helpless that my ability is limited. I cannot satisfy everyone and disappointing people at times is unavoidable. All I can do is to prioritize and go with what my heart tells me to.

What really matters to you is very evident. Ask yourself the decision you have made. Feel how comfortable you are when you made that decision.

Having said that, I also became aware that I am not considered as a priority at times. In the eyes of some people who matter to me. It saddens me greatly as well. I guess there’s no point harboring such expectations and clamoring to have a priority. It only leaves us feeling more miserable.

How about doing nothing at all? Then I wouldn’t be making any mistakes. Well, I did think about taking a passive role.

I once answered this question that would reveal something about myself.

Question: Imagine you are in a jungle. What do you do when you see a lion?

Answer: I would run away from the lion.

Interpretation: The lion represents difficulties. I run away from problems.

Sigh. I do not deny the truth in the interpretation. I detest myself to have such a weak character. I know it’s inevitable to face problems, yet it’s still difficult for me to face them. The situation used to be really bad. But I’m really doing my best to work on it over the years. I would secretly beg you not to remind me of this.

Alrights, enough of feeling EMO sh*t. The person (me) is annoyed and so are the people reading this. Let’s talk about happier stuff.

My friend Alicia brightened up my gloomy morning through a mere MSN chat. Little things do make me happy too. :D

I became convinced and trust that my decision was a right one because I would be doing something really meaningful and with all that I could for a dear friend of mine. If it takes me to lose a friend and disappoint another friend just to help a friend who needs it urgently, I am still willing to go ahead with it.

Alrights, I just needed a channel to rant because I feel so distressed. It’s just the start of the year and I am already finding the space to breathe.